First off, i pray that all that are reading are in the best of health =) . . .
Started blogging about worldy stuff but got bored of it and thought what i was doing was of no use. I mean what good would it do me if i just wrote crap for people to read which would in turn give no benefit to you and me?
Im starting this new blog to remind myself of what it is to be a true muslim, not just by name…i have done so many bad things in my life and i hope that allah the all mighty, all forgiving will forgive me for what i have done. Im not saying that i have gained true iman but i hope one day i will reach that goal.
I try each day to do good, pray 5 times a day, trying to read more articles on my wonderful religion…i have to say it is hard but thats life. Old habits die hard i say…im afraid i might sound or even worse be a hypocrite for starting this blog but hey whatever helps right…
I thank allah the all mighty that he has shown me right path, well i see it as a stepping stone for me to go on his path. During my studies abroad, i made many friends…the good and the bad…thank god that i met a few brothers of faith during my time there. In a nutshell they gave me back my conscience…taught me what it is to be a true muslim, not just by praying but through your actions…a little bit of this, a little bit of that…
I did go to ugama school but by the time i reached 17 i was well off the path that i should have followed….as time passed, i got worse and worse but what makes me smile is that allah the most gracious most merciful has given me a chance to see the light….i thank all my friends that has helped me realize what my religion was all about, it isnt just doing the same ritualistic prayers that i once thought, but why we do it and to realize that what you do will be accounted for on the day of judgement…
But yet after all this i still went astray even though i knew the consequences of my actions….i have a sick heart…i follow my desires whenever they come up…well sometimes that is….that is what makes me weak…so many close friends are still up to no good…a few syukuralhamdullillah, have changed for the better…
as for me i dont know where i am sitting on….i have my good side and i have my bad side…i have my faith on one hand and my sins on the other…what i am trying to achieve is getting a hold of true iman and just hold on to it no matter what…its hard when you are alone in this and where you are kind of afraid to show to them that you want to change…well not to say that i want to show off or something, its just i want to change sincerely and not to be judged by others.
How i see people in brunei…youths that i see today are getting worse…many are just muslim by name…but what they do i cannot judge as i was one of them…i see my self very2 lucky to be given such friends that have shown me the right way…but as i said i do tend to go astray every now and again….but now i really2 want to change…
why and why now? because im getting older and i see my self as being stagnant, i dont develop my mind into what it should be…still keeping those bad habits, still doing what i shouldnt…i am not doing what god intended me to do…worse part is is that i already know i shouldnt be doing it yet i still do…the guilt that resides in my heart can overwhelm me at times…
So many times i have been tested…so many times i have failed…but i am still trying…pray that i dont fail this time….
They say that humans are afraid of change because we are so used to the way we live our lives and change would mean you have to learn new things and do stuff that are not routine to you…well now i shall take up the challenge….well i will try to anyway…hehe…
That all for now i guess…am rambling on too much…dont even know if what i said makes any sense at all haha….just needed to get some stuff out… 
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Assalamualaikum. =)
….and what a lovely friday it is….syukuralhamdullillah….waking up to a freezing room makes it even better haha….last i prayed subh was during puasa last year :S ….long overdue che….i dont know if im supposed to go back 2 bed or just start the day this early in the morn…hmmm…
